It seems to be one of those mix-bag kind of days. In some way I feel pretty good, I am about to go on the elliptical for some morning exercise (work tonight prevents my regular night time exercise), and I’ve been trying to job hunt as well. Now that’s where the problems come in.
Once again I feel that awful overwhelming feeling, like my stomach is being submerged under a great bout of water. The thought of trying to find a permanent job seems so daunting, the thought of applying to University seems just as scary and the thought of doing nothing at all hurts me the most.
In many ways I want to apply to University again, to experience it but the money side of it really puts me off. And that’s not just in relation to all the loans. I’m finding it difficult now to find a new job let alone trying to do so while running around at University. The idea of having no money coming in isn’t really one I want to try and deal with now that I have had a job.
I’ve gotten sucked up into Tarot Card readings. I just wanna go and actually have this done by a professional.
I realise that how I left yesterday’s entry probably isn’t what you expect an 18 year old to really be saying. But I’ve never been the age I was and to be fair, tarot cards just seem so damn interesting.
You know, I can’t really describe how I feel right now. Maybe a little bit like a corduroy bag that has been packed with too much, the seams slowly starting to stretch and split but so slowly that no one really notices or pays any attention.
An odd and rather stressful few days have lead to a real lack of writing, at least on here. I won’t discuss what has happened but it surely has altered my way of thinking about those around me.
On a better note I finally started watching Season 4 of Gotham and it is marvellous. In fact I’m watching the last episode of the first half of the season as I type this.
It’s Monday and I finished watching Gotham on Saturday which was fun and yesterday was hell at work due to it being Christmas Eve. But all the same I had a good time there as it was so busy and the time went by.