Since a young child I knew what I wanted to be. Like every young child I wanted to be famous. I think we all hold a secret desire to be rich and famous, to have everything in life that the people we look up to have.
I thought that my road to fame would start with University, then I’d get a job out of University in my chosen career (the film industry) and then go on to be everybody’s favourite, lovable introvert. Well I certainly stumbled at the first hurdle.
After two days of University I ran back home, scared and a little bit shook. But to people’s great surprise, it wasn’t that I didn’t feel ready to leave home. I loved being in a new city, I loved exploring it and finding new places I’d soon fall in love with… what I didn’t like was the feeling that my room wasn’t really my room. It was merely a room I was renting till the next person came along and I moved on.
You see I didn’t have my own space and I didn’t have something to keep me busy so I was just some kind of parasite wandering the ether wondering where my host was to latch on to. With no direction to hold on to I faltered and now I am living with it.
I do a job I hate, have countless people reminding me that to them I didn’t meet expectations and have no clue how to put my life back together. The puzzle pieces of my life have been scattered under every sofa, rocking chair and TV set imaginable and now I have a scavenger hunt on my hands to find them.
I have to ask, did people think I’d be the type to drop out of University? To cut my hair short, get tattoos? I think if I went back to my primary school teachers today and told them they’d faint, I remember they had high hopes of what I’d become in life. So maybe that’s where we need to tackle this, maybe we need to stop expecting so much of kids and let them be who they are going to be. Just be proud that they see each day as a new experience and a new day to learn.
All I can ask for is that something comes my way that I utterly fall in love with, otherwise I do fear my life is going down the proverbial toilet and I don’t see how I’ll climb out of that one.
Right now I’m trying to focus on the small things and hopping the big things come into play over the next year. I’m giving up drinking again, trying to halt all the video game playing, read more, buy small things that make me feel more adult (like prescription sunglasses) and find something to pour the ol’ creativity fuel into. But above all I’m just trying to survive till 19. If I can make it to that then I’ll feel a little bit better about this whole mess that has turned out to be 2017.
Any comments, advice or just any stories to share please share them. I love hearing from people so don’t be shy, you’re behind your monitor shield so you’re all good.