For the majority of my life I have had long hair, probably since I was around 5 or so years old. And almost all of my life I have wanted to have short hair or shorter hair but after a lot of hesitation and reproach from my mother I never had it cut that way.
From almost everyone I knew I always heard the same kind of phrases, “You have such wonderful long hair!”, “Your hair is beautiful long.” and “You shouldn’t get it cut, really it wouldn’t suit you.”. This not only came from my parents but hairdressers, friends and parents work colleagues. Everyone seemed to know what would suit me better than I did myself.
Though I wanted to cut my hair I was hesitant, ever so hesitant. One of the reasons I was so worried about cutting my hair short was that people would take the mick and call me a guy. Now this isn’t just because ‘short hair is for guys’, I’m not that primitive.
I was worried about this because I had been teased and bullied for a large part of my secondary school life about my voice which is deeper than people expect and sounds to some children as ‘man-ish’. I also dress in rather a masculine way as I find those clothes much more comfortable but often I feel people think I am butch, a lesbian, a guy or a closet transgender guy. I am none of those things above, I just simply feel that male clothing is more comfortable. I do sadly wish I felt more comfortable in female clothing though…
Anyway, after much deliberation and research online about hairstyle and possible ones for me I came across short hairstyles and felt myself looking more at these than I was ones that would have suited my current length of hair… I felt a yearning to get my haircut short and I just kind of went with it, I said to my mum I was going to do it last night, the night before my appointment and then I went in to the hairdressers today and got it done.
Of course the hairdresser asked that I was sure about it and I said that I was and then she just started cutting. I had taken in a photo of how I wanted my hair to be shaped of course so that we were both on the same page…
I’ve never really been in love with my hair before, I’ve come away from almost every hairdressers chair with the same thought ‘Meh.’ it never actually felt like I’d had anything done before. I looked in the mirror and my hair just hung there, it really was just hair and was just something I kept at a longer length because I was too scared to make it any shorter.
I now realise that this is the first time I have come away from a hairdressers chair and been happy, ecstatic even elated with my hair. I can’t get enough of it!
Not even in the slightest bit do I feel ‘masculine’, ‘butch’ or like a guy! In actual fact I feel more like myself and more feminine than I have ever done. I have the sudden urge to just be outside in the sun, to wear hats (which I hated wearing before) and run my hands through my hair. Literally, it is addictive! I have spent the last 4 hours just running my hands over my hair, feeling the nape of my bare neck and adjusting my shortened fringe.
People get phantom limbs when a limb has been lost and I feel like that with my hair, it just feels like it’s up in a ponytail and I only realise it’s not actually there when I walk pass a reflective surface and give a small jump at the face looking back at me. I pulled on a hoodie when I got inside and out of pure reflex I reached up to untuck my hair from the back of it only to find my hands brushing against my bare neck again – no need to do that anymore I guess!
To anyone that is on the edge of getting their haircut short my advise is to go for it! Really just do it! We are so clung to the fact that our hair makes us up as a person that we forget that it is ours and that at the end of the day it really is just hair and it will grow back… eventually!
Take the jump into the shortened hair pool, and feel how invigorating it is, it feels like a way to take control of your life in a way. You’ll think at first that everyone is staring, that everyone notices but soon it will fade because in reality nobody but those who know you care.